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Interview with Scott "Maverick" Bieri

    Tue, 2007-08-21 08:32 — Bevois

    I'm Bevois... Provocative questions. More provocative answers.

    Watch out OTM, it's gonna get hot!

    Bevois: Hello I'm legendary OTM reporter Bevois, here in the final days leading up to the first Mundials of Jiu-Jitsu being held here in the United States. Interviewing some of grappling's best and brightest stars… and seated across from me is one of the brightest shining stars on the planet or maybe of all time. A truly great, remarkable man.

    Scott: Well, thank you very much Bev… that's very kind of you.

    Bevois: Tom Cruise is here with me and I just have to ask you, Maverick… When did you decide to get into grappling?

    Scott: Umm, I'm Scott Bieri. I'm a grappler. I just look like Tom Cruise and happen to bartend like his character in "Cocktail" on the weekends.

    Bevois: Uhh… I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Did Goose make it into heaven? I've always wondered that. I mean I know he drank a lot, but Meg Ryan loved him. He was good with the ladies.

    Scott: Bev, I said my name is Scott Bieri. I'm a grappler and an instructor at Marc Laimon's Cobra Kai Academy in Las Vegas.

    Bevois: Ohhh… I get it, "Scott Bieri"… "S.B.". Kind of a reverse abbreviation for Brooke Shields. Your sworn enemy in your Scientology-based crusade against Psychiatry. I gotta tell you, it's not the best fake name, Maverick. It's actually kind of dumb… (chuckles)

    Scott: No, no, that's just a coincidence, okay?

    Bevois: Enough said, you showed me the money. (chuckles)

    Bevois: I wanna ask you this. You have been in relationships with Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, and are now married to Katie Holmes… Who's better in the sack?

    Scott: Listen, I'm serious here. My name is Scott Bieri. I'm a grappler. I've competed in dozens of matches. Most people don't even know me as "Tom Cruise". In fact recently, I did FILA's Team USA Grappling Trials in Las Vegas. In fact, this is a really funny story…

    Bevois: Would you say it's a "mission impossible" trying to pretend you can't tap everybody you compete against by using your vampire powers, that you got while doing "Interview with a Vampire?"

    Scott: Okay look, I think I'm gonna have to leave.

    Bevois: Please, please stay... I'm sorry.

    Scott: All right, but if you bring up the Tom Cruise thing again, I'm gonna have to go okay?

    Bevois: Okay, okay… I thought Tom Cruise would be a little more laid back.

    Scott: Hey!

    Bevois: Sorry, new question, new question… What's living in Las Vegas like?

    Scott: Well, it's fine. There's a lot more to it than the Strip…

    Bevois: It's a very controversial city, because of the Fear and Loathing.

    Scott: What?

    Bevois: Yeah, Johnny Depp and Benicio Del Toro drove from L.A. to Las Vegas on a drug binge, while nominally covering news stories, including a convention on drug abuse, but also sunk deeper into a frightening psychedelic otherworld.

    Scott: That was a movie.

    Bevois: Really? I thought it was a documentary?

    Scott: Tobey Maguire and Gary Busey were in that movie too. How could that be a documentary?

    Bevois: Oh… touché, Maverick!

    Scott: Hey, you promised.

    Bevois: Okay look, I'm gonna be honest here… I've got over 900 questions here and they're just all about you being Tom Cruise. So…

    Scott: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to leave, Bev.

    Bevois: Do you have an appointment?

    Scott: Okay... (gets up and puts on his bomber jacket and shades)

    Bevois: No, no... please, please.. Scott please. I apologize.

    Scott: It's too late for that Bevois, do your research. ("Danger Zone" begins playing on the radio of Scott's motorcycle)

    Bevois: I did, you're a damn good-looking man, a dead ringer, that's why I got confused... I'll send you some steaks or something!

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