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Mr. Bean's New Rules

    Fri, 2004-09-03 18:24 — Mr. Bean

    The last time Mr. Bean rolled through Rio, he was a rockstar constantly surrounded by beautiful women. He became so infamous that his face was in the newspaper O Dia for two days in a row .

    Strategic Approaches

    Machine gun style In just about any club in Rio, there'll be more than enough scantily clad bodies floating about. Which means it's okay to try and fail, because there will always be another girl. Drop the anxieties and spray down the room with some serious fire. Don't rest until all options are completely exhausted.

    There's a mystique in being from a foreign country. In any given nightclub, there's going to be at least one gatinha willing to give you a chance simply for that reason. The hard thing is finding her. And remember, always speak English when using this technique.

    You've got a lot of girls to hit on, so get to work!

    Got loot! In a coffee shop, a girl is bound to notice the shy guy in the corner, but not at a nightclub. So when you can do it, go large. Really large. We're talking over the top.

    Bring out bottles of whiskey and champagne on the table. Make a commotion. Be loud. Talk to girls that pass by (note, there's an etiquette. Don't be obnoxious, and don't be a dick.). And most of all, make sure everyone else in the room knows that you're having much more fun than they are.

    "Huh?" you say.

    Girls are more attracted to guys who are capable of having a good time with or without them. So, make the party, and they will come.

    Sharpshooter The key is subtlety. Select the girl! Wait for the moment when she's not doing anything. Throw a warm smile! And then open. The sharpshooter technique is good when the club isn't crowded, when the princess are acting particularly pretentious, or when there are only a few hot bundas (asses) in the house.

    The main advantage is that your target won't see you hitting on a hundred girls, hence she's not just another girl. She's special. The hope is that despite the fact you might be surrounded by sausage, you'll be able to slice through and get the girl.

    The real key is to make sure the girl doesn't notice you're observing her until you're about to approach (extremely difficult when they are this hot in Rio). Turn your body away, and find something else to focus your eyes on, perhaps the liquor bottles at the bar, the d.j.! You get the picture. Also try to also get three instances of eye contact, and approach on the third. The first and second could be random, or the girl might recognize you, but the third definitely means she's interested.

    Be careful. At nightclubs where the local guys are overly aggressive, the girls become overly defensive. While you're trying to wait for the right time, the girl you want will either become taken or won't give anyone the time of day. When you see that the club is getting filled with too many guys, act quickly or you'll find yourself empty handed.

    Rack in without spending! Many gringos who come to train jiu-jitsu don't have money or time to be screwing around in nightclubs. It's been found that gas stations are among the best places to fill a cell phone with numbers.

    Contrary to the U.S., gas stations in Brazil are actually a place where people hang out. On Friday and Saturday nights, young club goers drop by to down a few beers before arriving. And after the nightclub, the drunken masses slowly arrive to eat sandwiches before heading home.

    Mall Rat In Barra Shopping there is a food court, full with bars to sit down and drink. One of the best ways to meet women is to go to the mall between 4 and 8 pm, and wait for an attractive group of girls to sit down at a table. When the girls arrive (and they always do), send the waiter over to order them a drink. This will give you an easy way to open conversation. Make sure to wait long enough to check that the girl doesn't have a boyfriend arriving too.

    How Carioca Guys Do It!

    Who better to ask how to approach girls than the experts themselves, who always seem to be surrounded by girls? Four men from Rio shared their secrets.
ï I would feel the terrain through the eye. If there were a good eye response, I would approach her. If it’s a club, I would dance near her and start a conversation. If it’s a bar and a girl is really worth it, I will have no problem approaching her.
I would never want to attract a typical horny bitch. I would rather have a normal girl to reveal herself to be very crazy in bed.”
ñ Lawyer
ï You have to be very strong with a Brazilian girl. Polite, nice, but strong. With so many girls, I will never call a girl by her name [it’s easy to forget names with a full phonebook. Instead, I’ll call her gatinha or princesa. That way I never have a problem.
ñ Abu-Dhabi Competitor
ï I arrive at the beach and sit next to her, in a very friendly manner. I come in very friendly, with nice words, not as a hunter, but as a friend. If the girl is receptive, I begin the attack movement. I try to figure out what she needs.
In the nightclub, I pretend to know the girl, and I say “Hey, how are you?” Most times, the girl gets very surprised because I act like I know her. She says, “Hey, do I know you?” And I say, “No, but let’s pretend like we do.”
- Brown Belt
ï If you don’t have a bad ass convertible Mercedes, if you’re not wearing a Rolex, and don’t have $3K Reals in your pocket to hang out in the nightclub, you have to be smart. You have to be friendly and make the girl feel like you’re the right guy for that night. So the way to do this is come in very friendly, but with pride. Because girls - they like nice guys, but they don’t like ass kissers. They don’t like suckers. So, it’s the point between being the man and being friendly and nice that attracts a women. The first is always the most important moment because the first impression is what stays. As soon as she has a good impression about you, it’s time to explore her mind, and figure out what she wants that night. Girls like guys who are funny, but not ridiculous. They like guys who can be friendly, funny, and smart at the same time. And the smartness is key to work her heart, and for sure, her pussy.
Also, I think it’s ridiculous to come to a girl aggressively, powerful, like you can kick anyone’s ass. The girls who like cocky guys aren’t my type. But, girls like protection. So, you’ll need a bit of everything. If she feels you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re gentle, and you can protect her, then you have a pretty good chance to get her. Brazilian people are formed by different ethnicities and different cultures, so the diversity of our people is the understanding that a woman in Brazil doesn’t like just one kind of man, but wants a man who can have all kinds of men inside himself.
Carlos from Barra

    Why foreigners like Brazilian girls

    Americans and other foreigners fall simply in love with Brazilian women because they are exceptionally passionate, sensitive, and beautiful. We find that Brazilian girls know how to have a good time, and are much more friendly and caring than the women in the countries we come from.

    A friend once told me that if he had two girls that looked exactly identical, one being American, and the other being Brazilian, he would always pick the Brazilian one. I and most other gringos totally agree.

    I asked some gringos what they thought of the Carioca women.
ï Women from Rio are like no others. They definitely match the description above [American women vs. Brazilian women] and have one up on women from any other country. You got to meet one yourself to fully understand.
ñ Vale Tudo fighter
ï Women from Rio? Can we say feisty attitudes, great asses, and jealous as hell? But isn't that why we love them? Take an above average woman from Rio and put her in a group of ladies from any other country and she'll melt them all in a matter of minutes.
ñ Novelist
ï Sex is part of the Brazilian culture. In the U.S. you must pull the girl to guard and then sweep to mount. But in Brazil, you can just double leg and go straight for the mount. In the states you need to make them feel like they are in charge until you got them, then sweep them. In Brazil, you can be more honest.
ñ Vale Tudo Fighter
ï Carioca girls,... I love them. They are some of the hottest, most sensual women on earth... as long as they're really women... Careful guys.
ñ English teacher
ï It’ll be HARD to deal with a girl in the states again.
ñ Purple belt, Mundial competitor

    Why Brazilian Women like foreigners.

    Anytime a foreigner tries to pick up the local women, it’s generally easier for the foreigner than for the locals. The foreigner will have a different style, or way about him. Perhaps girls might like the way he completely falters when he speaks her language. Perhaps they’ll find his strange appearance very attractive. This is a generality that holds in most countries.

    When Brazilian women get to know Americans, they find that the Americans treat them very well.

    Have doubts? I took the time to ask a few girls what they thought of gringos, and here’s what they said.
ï Gringos are generally really receptive. They are always partying because they are on vacation and we like that. Some gringos treat Brazilian women well, some don’t. I don’t know. But, sometimes gringos treat us like sluts and think they can buy us. Generally though, I like the way gringos treat us like friends. Here it’s hard to have friendships between men and women, but gringos are capable of respecting us as friends. I don’t know if I’m the right girl to ask because I fell in love with one [gringo].
- Student

    ï Some Carioca girls don’t like gringos. I don’t know why ñ maybe it’s too much work for them. I really can’t figure it out why. Some other girls don’t care, either way. And finally, some girls like gringos especially, because they are different, come from a different place, more interesting. They are different than the guys here. They have different experiences and different things to say.
ñ Portuguese Teacher
ï I used to be really excited if someone introduced me to an American, first because I would be able to get information about his country, and get to practice my English. Nowadays, I don’t need any of this, because I’ve traveled there. Gringos try to hook up with as many women as possible, because everyone knows about Brazilian women, because they are famous worldwide for their sexuality and the success of Brazilian models. Because of this we always get the guy’s attention. Before you get here, you hear about the Girl from Ipanema, and then when you get here, you see girls from Leblon and Barra as well. So, after the gringos arrive here, the mess starts. There are so many available women. The gringos want to come and hook up with all of them and don’t act down to earth. The problem is that when you’re a foreigner, you don’t want just one girl. So after 1 or 2 months, you go out with dozens of girls. The thing with Carioca girls is that they are attracted to gringos because gringos are different. Perhaps the girls are sick of Brazilian guys, since they already know all of them. Some are looking for new friends or to practice their second language. Others want to make their boyfriends jealous. I know a friend, who got sick of Brazilians. Since then, all her boyfriends and ex-husbands have been all gringo. She looks for older, specifically wealthy guys. This kind of girl is just looking to marry a rich guy. So that’s one category. Of course, we have the prostitutes. Deep down, they are hoping to meet a prince to save them from their life. This [prostitution] is not a thing they are proud of. This is something they do for survival. Most of them are hoping to meet someone to fall in love with and change their life. There is also a last type of girl, who likes foreigners in general. They want gringos to go home with a good impression of Brazil, so they always act nice to foreigners and try to be helpful. The problem is that Brazilian girls often have high expectations that aren’t met. They meet this blond haired, blue eyed guy from New York, and what they don’t realize is that the guy will be gone in 3-6 months, back to his girlfriend or wife. I’m always in touch with gringos because I travel a lot, and I like to practice my English. I have more luck with them than the Brazilians.
Import / Export Professional

    Are the girls that easy?

    Sometimes the girls in Rio are easy, and sometimes not.

    A generality I found to hold true is that rich elitists like to stay with people within their own social circle or class. It holds in Brazil, it holds in America, and it holds in most other countries I’ve been to.

    What else? Generally, the most beautiful girls in a country are part of the elite (not all, there are exceptions, but a huge percentage of the “best looking” girls are part of the elite). They like to go out with the guys they grew up within the same social circles (or guys who are also “elite”). That’s what makes New York so tough, for instance.

    Consequently, it’s been said that you can tell how wealthy a girl is by the quality of her hair. Why do you think her hair is so soft, luscious, and has just the perfect color?

    Generality: Beautiful = Money (not the other way around).

    Exception: In Rio, there is an abundance of absolutely stunning women without much money that might fall in love with you. But the generality above still holds, even though it’s Brazil.

    Clarification on the Dollar Factor

    In my last article, many Cariocas misinterpreted what I said. Somehow, they wrongly thought I wrote that Carioca women were interested in us Americans simply for our money.

    To clarify, money allows certain things.

    If a group of 5 attractive girls who look like they were having fun asked you to sit down with them and drink champagne, would you say no? Neither would I.

    Vice versa. When a bunch of gringos are having a lot of fun and happen to be surrounded by bottles of champagne, a lot of girls are bound to take interest. The girls aren’t chasing the money; they’re chasing the party.

    So what is the money factor? At the current exchange rate of 3 Reals to the dollar, a bottle of champagne only costs $20 USD. So, if the drinks are cheap, let’s drink a lot and party harder.

    Fact: More money = more fun, more fun = more girls.
Fiction: More money = more girls.

    The New Terrain

    00 (Lagoa) Zero Zero is great, but slightly price place to take a date for dinner. The club portion kicks off late in the night in the small and crowded dance floor. The crowd is eclectic and slightly alternative. Don’t come to meet girls.
Music 9, Ambiance 9, Girls 5

    Bomb Bar (Leblon) ñ Packed with lots of good-looking girls. And the music wasn’t bad either! Two floor, nice ambiance, good dinner menu. Get here late, and it will be a nightmare to get in.
Music 8, Ambiance 8, Girls 8

    Melt (Leblon) ñ Food and bar downstairs. Nightclub upstairs. Sometimes, cover charge for nightclub entrance (generally $15-$20 Reals). Often, Melt has some really nice band and dj’s. Most of the hotter chicks end up at Bomb Bar, but the music is really great here. Unfortunately, it gets a little too packed upstairs to bring a date for dancing. Definitely worth checking out, however.
Music 8, Ambiance 7, Girls 6.5

    Mess (Apoardor)ñ Thursdays and Saturday are great with a plentiful amount of hot girls. Hip-hop plays until the morning, and doors open at midnight. Most of the crowd starts arriving at 12:30 AM, which makes it a great choice if you have a problem getting in anywhere else.
Music 8, Ambiance 6, Girls 8

    Nuth (Barra) - (*** some material taken from last article) No, it’s not new at all. But it’s worth mentioning that much because it’s the best. When I was talking about absolutely stunning, but difficult elitist women, this is what I was referring to. The scantily clad women, shaking their stunning bodies, are the hottest Rio has to offer (that is - without paying for the girls). The women generally speak English. Most people have dinner on the second floor, while dancing and partying hard on the first floor. I also like this club because the leather couches with tables that surround the dance floor make it very easy to meet women as they pass by.
Wednesday and Sunday night parties are the best, while Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays are also fantastic. Make reservations or get there before 9:30 PM, otherwise, you probably won’t get in.
Music 6, Ambiance 9, Girls 10 ñ Raised music because they’ve gotten a little bit better. Re-evaluated ambiance since the setup is so conducive to meeting strangers.

    Red Room ñ (Sâ€Ïo Conrado) Formerly the Bedroom . Extremely well setup in terms of the interior. Girls are attractive, but are not of quality or density as Nuth. If you have trouble getting into Nuth on Friday or Saturday, definitely an alternative.
Music 7, Ambiance 8, Girls 7.5

    San Tomei (Barra) ñ Outdoor bar with tables for sitting. Downstairs dance floor. Small VIP area upstairs. Unfortunately, the dance floor is small and isolated from where people are sitting. So while the club has an attractive crowd, it’s not as conducive as it should be for meeting people. In addition, door control could be tighter, as too many guys get in and freak out the girls.
Music 8, Ambiance 6, Girls 7

    Sitio (Gavea) ñ Fantastic supper club to take friends. One floor restaurant with tables for drinks and dinner (excellent food). As the night goes on, tables are cleared out to make room for a dance floor. Girls are difficult, as they generally come in a group before the club turns into a nightclub.
Music 7, Ambiance 9, Girls 6.5

    Touche (Niteroi) ñ Overall great night club. One floor. Girls are very beautiful, although very difficult, as people seem to know each other and are all very occupied. Extremely out of the way from Zona Sul, but if you’re in Centro it’s worth the trip to Niteroi.
Music 8, Ambiance 7, Girls 8.5

    HELP (Copacabana) ñ Not new, but of worthy mention. Tons of prostitutes abound. Some are hot, but most are not. But for some unexplained reason, most tourists who don’t know anything about Rio end up going here and loving it. So check it out, but be careful, as there are a few transvestites running about.
To ridiculous to provide rating

    Note ñ See
HYPERLINK "http://onthemat.com/rio_clubreview.html"
my Rio nightlife review from the last time I was here
. Don’t forget, and Baronette (Ipanema *** include link to other review) are still amazing and among the best clubs in Rio. Afro-Rio at Meli-Melo no longer exists.

    Getting Your Drink On

    Parque das Rosas (Barra)ñ A group of outdoor bars and restaurants. Good food, and cheap drinks. Make sure to go to the Cachaca bar and order a Melzinho (A shot of Cachaca with honey, with a stick of cinnamon to mix with).

    Open Mall (Barra) ñ Large groups of bars with a few restaurants. Cheap beer. The only problem is that the crowd in general is a bit young.

    Downtown Shopping (Barra) ñ Relaxed outdoor drinking with live bands. Depending where, there might be a $5 Reals cover.

    Baixo G·vea (G·vea) ñ On Mondays a lot of young people come here to have drinks. It’s just about the only thing happening on Mondays, so you might as well go. Reportedly Sundays might be better. But, we wouldn’t know because we are always at Nuth.

    Lord Jim’s (Leblon) 3 floors of English style pub drinking. Great selection of tap beers including my favorite, Old Speckled Hen. Lot’s of tv’s to watch sports. A great place to take friends, but obviously, don’t expect it to be jam-packed with hot girls.

    Shenanigans (Barra) ñ A new Shenanigans just opened in Barra. But when we showed up, we were the only gringos there. Thursday ñ Saturdaday are absolutely packed. The girls are good, and it’s definitely worth going to right now. It will be interesting to see what happens ñ as of current, Shenanigans has been stealing a large portion of the Nuth crowd.

    Note ñ
HYPERLINK "http://onthemat.com/rio_clubreview.html"
See my Rio bar reviews of Shenanigan’s (Ipanema) and Emporio
. Many of the gringos who aren’t into the club scene love these places.

    Where to Take the Girl!

    Because most people in their early to mid twenties live with their parents until they get married, they require discrete places to have sex. Hence, drive-in sex motels. For about $50 Reals you can rent one of these for 3-12 hours. Here’s a list with prices. Most suites have sauna and/or Jacuzzi, and higher end suite will have a pool.

    In Barra, at its entrance, there is a group of motels across the lake, on the street Estrada da Barra da Tijuca.

    Skorpios Apt. $30 Reals Suite $40 Reals 3 hrs

    Toy Apt. $22 Reals 3 hrs Suite $55 Reals 6 hrs

    Nude Apt. $23 Reals 4 hrs Suite $50 Reals 4 hrs

    Mayflower Apt. $46 Reals 6 hrs Suite $72 Reals 6 hrs
-Th. Apt. $46 Reals 12 hrs Suite $58 Reals 12 hrs
-Lunch and dinner included

    XaXaXa Apt. $24 Reals Suite $48 Reals 3 hrs
-Fr.. & Sun. Apt. $32 Reals Suite $59 Reals 4 hrs

    Marbella Apt. $18 Reals 3 hrs Suite $40 Reals 4 hrs
$25 Reals 6 hrs Suite $50 Reals 6 hrs

    San Francisco Apt. $19 Reals 4 hrs Suite $34-39 Reals 4 hrs
Apt. $22 Reals 6 hrs
-Th.& Sun. 12 hours

    In Catete,
Love Time Hotel Apt. $42 Reals 6hrs Suite $59-90 Reals 6 hrs

    In Centro,
Vina Del Mar, Apt. $31 Reals 6 hrs Suite $48 Reals 6hrs
- Sat. Apt. $40 Reals 12 hrs Suite $64 Reals 12 hrs
- Th. & Sun. Apt. $36 Reals 12 hrs Suite $54 Reals 12 hrs

    In Sâ€Ïo Conrado, on Av. Niemeyer, there are a group of motels that are convenient to bring girls to from Leblon or Ipanema.
Sinless Apt. $49 Reals 6hrs Suite $65-90 Reals 6hrs
Shalimar Apt. $49 Reals 6hrs Suite $65-165 Reals 6hrs
VIP’s Suite Apt. $61 Reals 8hrs Suite $145-420 Reals 8hrs

    The most luxurious is VIP’s Suites (http://vipsmotel.com.br). So if want the best in luxury, that’s the place to go.

    So party hard! There you have it, a solid, hopefully factual, explanation of what the situation is in Rio. So come down, meet the girls, and see what I’ve been talking about!

    Disclaimer: Here it is again, guys. Mr. Bean is a really a nice guy that never tricks or abuses women. He only loves to train jiu-jitsu, party like a rock star, and chill on the beach.

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